When I say 'Poo', You say 'Meow!
by muggleborn444
Summary: Preggers Lily wants a cat. But when James becomes obsessed with it, and names it Poo -for Papoose Lily has to take some drastic measures. Funny. Sirius. R


**AN: STUPID CC CAME UP WITH THIS IDEA SO WE SPENT ALL OF MONDAY WRITING IT INSTEAD OF UPDATING. WE WILL GO BACK TO THAT IN A MINUTE.  
PLEASE. WHEN YOU ARE GOING TO ALERT PLEASE REVIEW. IT MAKES US HAPPY.**

DISCLAIMER: WE CAME UP WITH EVERYTHING EXCEPT JAMES, LILY, SIRIUS, GODRIC'S HOLLOW, HARRY AND THE UNNAMED CAT. THOSE ARE JK ROWLINGS. WE BASICALLY OWN THE NAME PAPOOSE. BUT NOT REALLY.

It all started because I wanted a cat. A kitten to be precise. An adorable little playmate for my baby when he comes. NOT for James. In fact, in the beginning, he didn't even WANT to get a cat. It was all, 'I'm allergic', 'it could scratch the furniture', 'it could eat the baby'. What. The. Hell. is WRONG with that man! But that afternoon, when we get to the shelter and he sees this tiny little furball, he gets this sappy smile on his face and is all 'can we get dis adowable wittle ting!' and then we were walking out the door to the Magical Menagerie with a normal (meaning doesn't do anything wierd) brand new kitten. Before we can disapparate though, James dashes back into the store and buys EVERYTHING that he can for the kitten. Food. Toys. Beds. I wish he took that much care of ME but no, it is all, look at HER! I mean, I'm the one that's carrying HIS CHILD! For the love of Merlin, the cat was my idea!  
But anyways, we get home and I go and sit on the couch. Me being pregnant and all, short outings for me are EXHAUSTING. So James is busy running all around, setting up all of the kitten's things everywhere when the doorbell rings. Sighing I get up and go to open the door. It was Sirius, of course. It is ALWAYS Sirius when I'm tired. And get this, HE DIDN'T EVEN SAY HELLO OR ANYTHING. THE FIRST THING THAT COMES OUT OF HIS MOUTH IS, "Her name is The Epic Papoose!" I just looked at him in shock and fury. And then my hormones spiked and I yell, "WE ARE MOST CERTAINLY NOT NAMING OUR KITTEN THE EPIC PAPOOSE!"  
"Why not?" He asks looking at me as though I were the crazy one.  
"BECAUSE! We just AREN'T!" He looked hurt. I sighed and stepped aside so he could walk into the house. He ran into the living room to find James as I shut the door.  
When I came in they were whispering conspiratorially.  
"Hey Lils hon," James started. I narrowed my eyes suspiciously, and tilted my head to the side. "Unfortunately the kitty doesn't respond to The Epic Papoose."  
"THANK MERLIN!" I interrupt.  
"BUT," O dear. "She does respond to Papoose. So can we call her that PLEASE?" I look at his and Sirius' puppy dog eyes.  
"FINE!"  
"YES! Let's go set up Poo's stuff now." James said to Sirius.  
"Hold up ONE SECOND there misters." I ask. "Did you just nickname MY kitten POO?!?!" The two men just looked at each other.  
"Noooooooo. We nicknamed it... Poo?" James asked. I just looked at them. And then they ran. Mwa hahahahaha!!!!!! Cough cough. Sorry.  
Now beyond exhausted I trudge up the stairs to go to bed. The kitten doesn't follow me, OH no. It latches onto JAMES and follows HIM around. Stupid Poo. Quite literally too.  
When I wake up the next morning I walk downstairs to the delicious smell of... nothing. My oh so wonderful husband who up to this point has always had breakfest waiting for me when I woke up, didn't even look up from where he was lying on his stomach on the kitchen floor.  
"Okay Poo. When I say Poo, you say meow! Okay? Ready? Poo..." He gestured towards the cat, who, I guess I shouldn't be so surprised to say, lets out a "Meow!"  
"YES! Okay, Poo Poo Poo." "Meow meow meow!" "Poo Poo Poo..." "JAMES!" I cut in. He looks up startled. "Oh sorry. I was just playing with Poo." "Meow." I giggle in my head at the playing with poo comment, but decide to be mature about it. "Breakfast?" I remind him. He looks guilty for a minute. A minute after he disappears into the pantry he comes out with cereal. CEREAL. FOR MERLIN'S SAKE I HAVE BEEN CARRYING HIS CHILD FOR 4 MONTHS AND THE BEST HE CAN DO IS CEREAL! AND LOOK AT PAPOOSE'S BOWL! SHE HAS ALL THE FOOD SHE COULD EVER WANT! AND SHE IS NOT EVEN PREGNANT! But James has been very good about breakfast before this, so I decide to accept _cereal_ this one time.  
After breakfast (cereal), James got the _brilliant_ idea that he absolutely _had_ to "show Poo all around town!". Well, who was I to stop him from giving our _cat_ a tour of Godric's Hollow? Not his pregnant wife... no, certainly not. I have _no_ say over _anything_ in his life... or our cat's life... which he suddenly thought was the most important thing in the whole entire world. MERLIN HELP ME! I married a crazy man! ...A hot crazy man... As much as I hate to admit it, his cat fetish is slightly endearing... and, if I do say so myself, _quite_ sexy. Damn him and his attractiveness... even when he's not here... hmmm... This gives me an idea... I know one thing that that stupid little kitten can't give him. A good SHAG. HA! That's it! When he get's home, he will be forgetting all about little "poo" and all he'll be able to process is ME. All me. Now all that's left to do is wait.  
When James walked in the door, cooing and nose kissing with "Poo" (who I have grown to hate), I was standing in the front hall, with my best seductive look on display. It has never failed before... And it certainly didn't fail this time. James bent down to let the cat on the floor, all the while without taking his eyes off me. That might have been because I was only wearing socks, but I still like to believe that it was my famous seductive look. "Hell...o... Lil...y..." James was stuttering. HA! Stupid Papoose could never compare! I turned on my heel and walked up to our bedroom, certain that he would follow. I was right. We then proceeded to do lots of things that are best to go unmentioned in a T rated fanfiction. And my day was just becoming enjoyable, when that stupid cat had to ruin everything. All of a sudden, I heard the door creak open and Poo waltzed in. She took one look at the bed, and got a somewhat affronted look on her face before walking out.  
James looks up. "Poo?" He whispers hoarsely.  
"MEOW!" We hear from the hallway.  
He grinned. "She'll live." And that, dear readers, is how I became the most important female in James Potter's life once again.  
**  
AN: WAS THAT NOT JUST A WASTE OF TIME? CC DOESN'T THINK SO , BUT I DO. SHE JUST SNAPPED MY BRA STRAP IN ANGER. OW. ANYWAYS REVIEW PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE. VIRTUAL HAPPINESS WILL REACH YOU. THAT AND WE WILL UPDATE. SO YEAH. THANK YOU. GOODBYE. POO! (IN YOUR REVIEWS SAY "MEOW!" LOL)**


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